How to Model Contentment When You’re Feeling Pretty Miserable

There are times when the only words you can use to describe life right now is exhausting, expensive, sad, scary, unpredictable, and painful.You may even be counting down the seconds until this 365-day circus has its final act.

But here’s the problem with that perspective—nothing magical happens when the clock strikes midnight on December 31 or once a new Monday rolls around. Because if there’s anything life’s taught us, it’s that anything can happen at anytime. The only thing thing that’s certain is we’re in control of very little.

But just as true is the fact that the little we can control can be the difference-maker in how the narrative of the next day, month, or year plays out for us, and to some degree, how it plays out for those we’re closest to.  

[Before we move on, though, keep this in mind: You have every right to feel whatever you’re feeling about the dissolution of normalcy and general chaos that may be your life right now.] 

Some days, it feels like we’ve been caught in a riptide of unfortunate circumstances where the waves of bad news keep coming at us, angry and relentless. There are times when catching our breath is a real struggle. And parenting amidst the struggle? WHEW! Parenting through illness, financial strain, unexpected events, a contentious election, and wars and rumors of wars was not covered in What to Expect When You’re Expecting. 

But as parents, we’ve got an innate responsibility to lead our kids through this darkness even though we feel mostly blind ourselves. 

Slapping on a fake smile and pretending like everything is super-chill is not going to get the job done. First of all, our kids are smarter than that. They can see through our facades and showmanship. If we want our kids to learn contentment, we’ve got to find a way to authentically get there first. Second of all, we only get one life. If we continue to wish away all the days, weeks, and years that things don’t go our way, we’ll miss out on irreplaceable moments that could have been meaningful memories. 

Here are a few ways to model contentment when you’re feeling pretty miserable: 

Find the upside of the dumpster fire. 

Sometimes, our lives feel like a raging dumpster fire and the only thing that will placate our discontent is to repeat: “It won’t be like this forever. All you have is right now. What can you be thankful for today?”

If all you can be thankful for today is that everyone survived, then throw a “We Survived [Insert Struggle Here]!” party. 

When negativity screams and shouts at us all day long, we have to figure out a way to exaggerate the positive. 

Discard discontentment triggers.

Everywhere we look, we are constantly being told that we should be grateful, however, the fact that this is not your overall attitude may often leave you feeling guilty and ashamed.  And sometimes, discontentment triggers start us on a downward spiral…with social media being a major culprit. 

One thing you can always control is your actions. And if you constantly feed the monster of discontentment, he’s going to grow and grow and grow until he swallows you up. So, maybe it’s time to put the monster to bed and put down your phone. That may look like checking out of social media completely, or limiting the times of day you check in.

Or maybe for you, it’s a certain relationship that leaves you feeling discontent. A person at work, a friend, a family member. If that’s the case, it may be time to create unapologetic boundaries with these people. Those boundaries can change as you do, but remember, you are in control of your social circle. So if it’s anything but life-giving, move it to the discard pile. At least for right now. 

Be honest about what’s hard. 

Sometimes, you just can’t pretend like nothing hasn’t changed. That’s why it’s important to share the truth with your kids in a way they can understand. That may be getting specific about how many times you can go out to each week or general spending parameters. That may be being honest about how maintaining the same lifestyle isn’t possible, at least for right now. 

Acknowledging the truth of a hard situation may seem too scary or too heavy for our kids to manage. But it turns out, they often feel reassured knowing we are communicating with them openly and planning for every what-if their little minds could create. 

So, admit what’s hard, but don’t stop there. Make a plan. Take action. Do what only you can do. And then, be honest about it with your family. 

Flip the coin. 

There’s value in every struggle. Yes, sometimes life feels bleak and impossible. But the other side of that coin is . . . what? 

Sometimes, it’s a sense of pride—pride in making it another day, pride in being resourceful, pride in doing research and making the best choice for your family. Pride in maintaining and deepening our faith, because despite all odds, you are still very much here. 

It’s hard to feel discontentment when you look at the other side of the coin—when you see all you’ve already faced, and all you’ve already been through, and the fact that against the odds, you have endured. 

You may feel bruised and battered. But you’re still standing. And that should give you a deep sense of security. A deep sense of contentment.