Want to know a secret? I don’t really like Butterfinger Bells. (Please don’t tell my mom.)

20 years ago, I told my mom my favorite Christmas candy was Butterfinger Bells. You know the ones. Bell-shaped chocolates with little bits of chopped up Butterfinger crunchies, individually wrapped in foil. And it was my absolute favorite… in middle school. But here I am, a college degree, wedding, and two kids later, still getting a bag of Butterfinger Bells in my stocking each and every Christmas.

Kids change constantly. No one knows this better than the parent of a toddler who gags on the scrambled eggs he couldn’t seem to get enough of yesterday or begs to go to the library one week and throws an all-out tantrum in the middle of story time the next.

But toddlers aren’t the only ones who change constantly. Middle schoolers change. High schoolers change. Even grown-ups change.

Maybe your toddler loves anything with wheels now but by the time her birthday rolls around, you may be surprised to find she couldn’t care less about the brand new train set you saved up for. Your elementary kid may be obsessed with Komodo dragons one day but by the time you find a library book all about the 150 pound lizards, your little scientist has turned his obsession to sharks instead. And your middle schooler may not be able to get enough of those chocolatey Butterfinger bells today but 20 years later, probably likes Andes mints a little more.

Which means our job of getting to know our kids never ends. (Does that make you feel as overwhelmed and excited as it does me?) Well, to make it a little less overwhelming and a little more exciting, we have put together a list of 21 questions to get to know your kid (even your adult kid) better. Choose the list that best describes your kid: Younger Kid (2-7) Older Kid (8-15) Much Older Kid (16-99). Go through the questions over a milkshake or cup of coffee. Print them off and pass them under the door with a small stack of paper and a pen. Cut them into question strips to fold and choose at random to discuss at dinner or in the car. However you choose to use these lists, make sure you use them as a reminder to never stop getting to know your kid.