I have two sons.

Two sons, two realities:
One loves music. The other loves sports.
One loves conversation. The other is a man of few words.
They both like camping.

My thinking went this way: of course I know them. They’re my sons. But then I lived a few years longer. And so did they. And I realized that as they’ve grown up, they’ve done more than just add years. They’ve added depth to who they are. Complexity. Nuance.

In fact, I find that the older they get, the more I realize I have yet to learn about the person God’s creating. There are things about my boys I’m still discovering, aspects of their character and personality that are yet to be unearthed or explored. And it’s wonderful.

And you know what bridges the gap between what you know and what you want to know?


Love over time is what makes relationship deeper.

The gap between what we know and what we don’t know creates wonder, awe, and respect. Respect for who they are. Respect for what God is doing.

If you really want to get to know your family, spend a greater quantity of quality time together. Learn about who they are becoming. Observe what they like and don’t like. Ask them questions, or maybe. . . just listen. Listen a lot.

When you do, you’ll discover:

  • The things you’re supposed to know that no one tells you.
  • The things you’re supposed to know, but that can change at any minute because they have the right to change them.
  • The things you’re not supposed to know because they think it’s none of your business.
  • The parts of their personality that they themselves are still discovering.

And one more thing will happen. The way you invest time getting to know your kids, they’ll see that you love them.

Love over time communicates value.

So this week, spend some time getting to know your family. To really know them. Because there is always so much left to discover.

Follow the rest of the conversation on Playing For Keeps as Reggie, Kristen, and others talk about the 6 things every kid needs over time. You can start with the first part of the series about how Time Matters.  Over the next couple of weeks, we will continue to talk about how kids need Love, Words, Stories, Tribes, and Fun OVER TIME! Next week we will wrap up with the 3rd habit to make love matter more.